Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
