her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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