Don't you send me to vm
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
