well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
