At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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