are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
