I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
