I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
