i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
