You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
