I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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