Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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