i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
