the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
