why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
