piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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