The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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