She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
