I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
