its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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