Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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