What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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