What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
