summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
