Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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