When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
