please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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