I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
