You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
