So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Randomize
