I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
