It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i think my cat just said my name.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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