btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
