Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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