cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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