My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
