so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
