Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
