The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
