my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
