I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
