guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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