You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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