I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
