I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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