Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
