We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
