I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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