I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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