I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
