You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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