Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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