Im at strip club and am horny
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
