I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
