Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
