I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
