I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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