2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize