I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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