He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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