Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
