So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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