your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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