I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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