i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
