speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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