my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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