Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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