Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
