I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
