Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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