Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
