what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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