so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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