TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
