HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
