I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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