Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
