All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was confusing and full of hummus
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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