Whod you bang
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
