Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize